So much to learn!

The deeper I am getting into this industrhttp://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5088080186798053425y, the more I am learning I do not know, and it is scaring me. It is very frustrating trying to get answers when all you have is the internet and a few books. No one ever bothered to teach me anything about proper conformation for any disciplines. Up until I was about 15, no one even bothered to teach me much about equitation except for "heels down". For months I have been attempting to teach myself about correct movement in hunters and what makes it. Now a community on LiveJournal has me frantically trying to learn about balanced movement. There is very little helpful information or examples online. This is the particular video. It was posted in the community bad_riding, so as I watched it for the first time, I was looking for what was so appalling. All I could find was the lack of lead changes. Apparently the horse has no impulsion and is working off her forehand. The fact that, going back and watching it, I can not distinguish the way she is moving from videos of horses that are supposedly going well, other than more hang time of the limbs. If this is something so basic, why can't I even tell when a horse is going well, let alone ride one?
I am stuck at home, I haven't seen a horse in 3 months, I have no job, and I have to go back to community college in the fall. I am seriously missing Onalaska. I feel like none of it was real, like it's just a dream. When it comes to riding, I feel like that kid that got held back in school repeatedly, so now they're so old they'll likely never graduate. I feel like I can never come near to knowing as much as I even want to, let alone be a competent trainer. I am tempted to look into equestrian schools, if not for my future once I get a degree, but just to do some catching up on all the stuff I DON'T know.